2001 FALL TOUR     HEY!! Just when you thought we couldn’t bombard you with any more minutiae of our low budget touring exploits… here comes “The Bigger Lovers Tour Diary: Part Deux.” Big thanks to all who lent a hand this time ‘round: The Ass Ponys, The Lakeview Lounge in Chicago, Schuba’s, Priceline.com, Doug in Cleveland, Meagan Ward, John Petkovic, Brian Hoekstra, Joanna, Christina, the Jukebox at the Beachland, and anyone else we may have omitted… there’s a chance you may know who you are!     Thursday, September 27 - Chicago, IL - Schuba's If you’ve been keeping tabs on us Lovers, you know we’ve been touring the Midwest, south, and East Coast in bits and pieces since our record was released way back in March. Well, this is looking to be the final installment of our U.S. touring exploits in 2001: six shows in six days with The Ass Ponys. The Ass Lovers Tour. We depart for Chicago just after midnight, Philadelphia time, facing a 13-hour trip. Two things that take some of the sting out of a 13 hour drive: First, thanks to Priceline.com, and a leery vibe throughout the tourism industry, we’ll be staying at the four-star (as in ****) Chicago Hilton for the low-low price of $60 (as in $60). A nice little upgrade from the Motel 6 or the sound guy’s futon. Second, we’re playing Schuba’s, a room that’s been awful kind to us Lovers since our first visit back in March. We get to the hotel early afternoon and marvel and the marble floors, the Ming vases, the breathtaking view of the city…. THE MINIBAR!!! As Bret, Ed and Scott catch up on some sleep, I take a little walk along Lake Michigan and mutter to myself over and over, `Christ, this is a big fuckin’ lake.’ As this is our third time though town, a few more people seem to know who we are and the gig goes down quite well. The Ass Ponys (who we actually don’t meet officially until after the show) voice their full approval at our choice of covers: “Give it to the Soft Boys” by the Soft Boys and the Move’s “Do Ya.” We bow a new composition of Scott’s, called “A Simple How Are You,” which gets a hearty round of applause. It’s another keyboard song for Ed, giving us an excuse to make him drag that unsightly Acetone organ around the country for another week. Following the set, we hook up with a bunch of Windy City friends who show up, and watch the Ass Ponys whip up an absolute dust storm of dark twang and punk urgency. ‘Dem boys is real good. And their drummer, Dave Morrison, is about the best drummer I’ve ever seen (this fact will be confirmed night after night on the AP’s “Banlon Shirt”), plus he’s a couple inches taller than your's truly. We’ve got our work cut out for us. Afterward, our way cool waitress Christina, and her friend Joanna drag me out to this jumpin’ little dive called the Lakeview Lounge where I proceed (after about 8 Jack & Cokes) to sing “Miss You” and “Honky Tonk Women” with the house band, which is fronted by a dead-ringer for Ron O’Neill of Superfly fame. We head out for some more fun & frolic after that, and I get back to sleep on the four-star floor of our room at 7:00 am. Ouch. Tonight's set list: Catch & Release A Year Ago I’m Here Half-Richard’s Barely 5:30 Summer (of our First Hello) Simple How Are You (first time played) Give it to the Soft Boys Forever is Not So Long Threadbare Do Ya     Bret and Dave catch up in Chicago.     Friday, September 28 - Grand Rapids, MI - Pop Café The morning starts with what fast becomes a ritual of the tour: a nice blasting of the brand new Tenacious D record, with extra volume on “Fuck Her Gently” and “The Road.” We hook up with Philly ex-pat Dave Park for a real nice lunch and some guitar-string shopping in nearby Evanston, which, just as I suspected, looked like the backdrop to every John Hughes movie ever made. We arrive in Grand Rapids to find it’s an early, all-ages show, so we need to get our asses in gear. The Pop Café is a fairly large room where they don’t serve alcohol (bummer), but there’s plenty of room to load-in and out. We take the stage at the ungodly hour of 8:00pm, to a surprisingly receptive crowd. A little verbal fracas even breaks-out when we announce we’re going to play a Soft Boys cover (the lady won out with her request); our reputation precedes us, apparently. We sell a good amount of CDs & shirts, and watch the Ponys tear through yet another spirited set. Afterward, it’s down the street (with the Ponys in tow) to the Intersection, the Pop Café’s sister club, which, on this Friday evening, is hosting four local bands specializing in a Limp Bizkit-meets-GooGoo Dolls-meets-Creed kinda thing. It wasn’t even that good. We shoot some pool, harass the locals, and take bets as to how long it is until one of the bands plays the “Star Spangled Banner” (I win that bet, thank you very much). The night ends at a Comfort Inn just out of town, and a cell phone message from the Ponys. Seems they’ve written a new song that rhymes “Bigger Lover” with “Danny Glover.” Easy on the Cincinnati Gold, boys. It’s a long drive to Cleveland. Tonight's set list: Catch & Release A Year Ago I’m Here Half-Richard’s Queen of Eyes Barely 5:30 Summer (of our First Hello) Simple How Are You Casual Friday Forever is Not So Long Threadbare Do Ya     Chuck Cleaver fiddles around with something on the van as we all stand at rapt attention.     Saturday, September 29 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is real nice and all, but you could probably build a roadtrip to Cleveland based on the jukebox at the Beachland, the former Croatian American club-cum-rock club which boasts a big room, and the small room, which is where we set up shop tonight. Here’s a small sampling for said jukebox: Huey “Piano” Smith, Mott the Hoople, George Jones, Big Star, the Raspberries, Nancy Sinatra, Dave Edmunds, Roxy Music. Curiously, though, no Michael Stanley Band. Cobra Verde mainman/Cleveland Plain Dealer movie critic/all around great guy John Petkovic has penned a very nice piece about us in the Plain Dealer’s Weekend section. Our second time through the Beachland (third in Cleveland) the room is pretty damn packed, and I spot a few faces from our last time through. We play a decent show (we’re capable of much better), and trot out “I Wanna Destroy You” for the first time on the trip. Lots of Ass Ponys friends and family travel from as far as Cincy, West Virginia and Pennsylvania for the show, and the place is going apeshit by the time they close the night. Doug the soundguy, who recently toured with our Black Dog mates Tyler Keith & the Preacher’s Kids, puts us up for the night. Oh yeah, Bret was totally pie-eyed. And it only took three nights… Tonight's set list: Catch & Release A Year Ago I’m Here Half-Richard’s Barely 5:30 Summer (of our First Hello) A Simple How Are You Forever is Not So Long Casual Friday Threadbare I Wanna Destroy You     The Ass Ponys rock Cleveland.     Sunday, September 30 - Baltimore, MD - Ottobar A seemingly never-ending drive finally brings us into damp & chilly Baltimore around 8:30 where we meet up with the Ass Ponys outside the Ottobar. We both quickly realize we’re probably not going to set any attendance records tonight (though a spirited little crowd does turn out at the cozy Ottobar) so we retire to the upstairs for a little recreational smoke & drink. Despite the smallish turnout & nasty weather, there’s a great vibe in the room and we both play pretty blistering sets. We later find out that it was Ass Ponys' singer Chuck Cleaver & drummer Dave’s every intention to get us so baked that we couldn’t function. Can you believe the shit we have to put up with? Like Tenacious D says, "the road is fucking hard, it’s also really fucking tough." Tonight's set list: Catch & Release A Year Ago I’m Here Half-Richard’s Forever is Not So Long Give It To The Soft Boys Barely 5:30 Summer (of our First Hello) A Simple How Are You Casual Friday Threadbare Do Ya     Monday, October 1 - Washington DC - Black Cat We drive back to Philly after Baltimore so that the Lovers who have jobs can work. Me, I dream about doing laundry, answering e-mails and going to the bank, only to oversleep and throw our schedule behind by a good hour or so. No matter. We arrive to the New Black Cat (as opposed to the Old Black Cat, just down the street) with plenty of time to spare. The room sounds great, the beer’s free, and the club’s staff is refreshingly free of that "Ian MacKaye-in-training" righteousness that most of the Rock cognoscenti in our Nation’s Capitol seem to wear like a badge of honor. Our pal Anna Borg makes the scene (she’ll be putting out a 7-inch for us, if we ever get around to finishing it) as do some folks who were at the Baltimore show last night, and some other old friends. The set’s good & tasty, with Bill from the Ass Ponys lending slide guitar to “Barely 5:30.” That’s about as close to the Allmans as we’ll ever come. In a moment straight out of Modern Drummer, I throw my stick high in the air during a break in “Do Ya.” Next thing you know, I’ll be wearing Sabian wristbands and a Ludwig satin jacket. It could happen. I watch in amazement as the Ass Ponys strongarm their way through “Banlon Shirt” and “X-tra Nipple” one of the 10 best songs I’ve heard over the last 5 years. It’s on their last record, Some Stupid With a Flare Gun, and it kicks total ass. We hang out for a while after the show and then drive back up to Philly where we’re wrapping it all up tomorrow night. We’re really gonna miss these guys… Tonight's set list: Catch & Release A Year Ago I’m Here Half-Richard’s Give It To The Soft Boys Forever is Not So Long Barely 5:30 (with Bill from the Ass Ponys on slide) Summer (of our First Hello) A Simple How Are You Casual Friday Threadbare Do Ya     Tuesday, October 2 - Philadelphia, PA - the Khyber Well, this is it, our last show for a good little while, but, more importantly, our last show with the Ass Ponys. We were originally supposed to be doing a few more shows with them, but things got fouled up, someone forgot to hit “send” on an e-mail, one thing lead to another, and here we are, our last night on the Ass Lovers Tour. We pray some of the hometown folks show up so the Ponys don’t figure out that we are in fact, unloved even in our hometown. Luckily, a good & vocal crowd turns out (especially for a Tuesday). Our friends Panama open and do an excellent set. We follow, with big thanks to all who’ve supported us since the album came out, and a big thanks to the Ass Ponys for having us out with them. Bill guests again on “Barely 5:30,” and Chuck hops up to sing back-up on “Do Ya.” We all drink way too much, hang out with friends, watch the Ponys kick ass yet again, and say a reluctant goodbye at the end of the night, hoping our paths cross again someday. Thanks to all who came to a show, bought a record, bought us a drink, let us crash on their floor... We’ll see you sometime in 2002, hopefully with some new fucking songs. And honest (we REALLY MEAN IT) we’re never, ever, playing “Do Ya” again. Unless you ask real nice, of course. Tonight's set list: Catch & Release A Year Ago Half-Richard’s Give It To The Soft Boys Forever is Not So Long Barely 5:30 (with Bill from the Ass Ponys on slide) Summer (of our First Hello) A Simple How Are You Casual Friday Threadbare Do Ya (with Chuck Cleaver on backing vocals)         Bill assists with "Barely 5:30."     Chuck backing up on "Do Ya."     -PB